Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Wedding Vows

I have been thinking of writing about marriages since some time.Now after reading this, i thought i would go for it now..I come from a different country and had an arranged marriage(My parents chose the guy to whom i talked to a few times,liked him & gave the green card) .But we had got very close to each other in a short time.It works this way for most Indians.Rarely some unlucky girls see their guys for the first time on their wedding day.Thats really wierd. May be on their wedding night its like "come on girl,u r my wife.Lets have sex".Strange!!!I remember reading somewhere what a lady had written about the filthy sex life she had with her husband.She said she lays beside her husband waiting for "IT" like she waits for a pressure cooker whistle."Disgusting" would be a simple word to describe this.I am happy this kind of attitude hs changed to a great extend in my country now.But this is one side of the story.This is not what confuses me.May be thats how it starts for them.But majority of them live together happily for the rest of their lives.I completely polled for love marrige during my teens.But now i find myself really happy after a year of my marriage... may be too early to judge.Still (touch wood), i have this strong belief that things would never go wrong between Sj and me.Even we have our tantrums and fights.But finally i believe, all that matters is love.
I came to US after marriage.Here people live together for years before they finally settle on someone.Just as how i thought a perfect relaton should be.Its a long process of experimentation, testing and analysis, before reaching the final inference, and marry.Its great to know a person well before getiing married. So finally married.But what happens then?No offense meant and i know this is not the case with all.I am sorry if i am hurting anyone's feelings.But what goes wrong that couldn't be analyzed in the long stay?
My grand parents hadn't met each other till there wedding day and still lived happily for more than 40 years till my grand father expired.But i could choose from many guys and had my priorities in a relation.It worked for me.But i know a lot of cases where it didn't work inspite of getting married after long periods of dating and undertsnding. Here many people meet, live together , have sex, live together for 2 more years and finally fail to complete 6 months of happily married life.May not be all.But this happens for many.But y?When you have known a person for long and decided to marry them after knowing them well, how can things change so badly after marriage.Or is it that you never knew them inspite of living with them for so long???But then whats the point in living together.
So does it only dependent on the two people in a relation how it works? So people could be happy even if they didn't date before marriage.I understand that it is important to know the basic nature of a person,their habits and all that stuffs.But is it possible to completely understand someone even if we stay together for a year or so???I doubt now..I feel the definition of love changes after marriage.Its nomore "Blind Love".Its a love of "true vision of acceptance".Accepting a person as they are?Or is it just, taken for granted?But cant we just take each other for granted to a healthy level after marriage?Marriage has a profound meaning to it than any other relation right?Is that so?But then how can we complain?All these things seem complicated and confusing to me.....errrr.... i dont know...!!!May be its all just about "LOVE"


Amy said...

Wow, an arranged marriage! I don't think I could trust anyone to choose someone for me. In your post you ask "What goes wrong that couldn't be analyzed in the long stay?". For me, it would be cheating or beating. If you hit me or cheat on me, I'm gone. My mind and my body are worth more than that. Therapy or promises wouldn't work for me. I would never trust him again. And what is marriage without trust? My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We dated for almost 7 years before that. We only lived together for 4 months before marriage. I couldn't imagine my life without him. I'm glad you're happy in your marriage - arranged or not. I know that the US has a different view on marriage than other countries, we wait forever to find the right person and then we're quick to divorce if it doesn't work. I think that whatever the couple chooses (arranged, long lengthy courtship, or no marriage at all) is perfect for them. Good for you for posting your view! And Happy Anniversary, here's to many more!

Sylvia said...

Interesting insights. Congratulations on a year. I am on my second marriage. It's completely different this time. Love is blindness sometimes. So many factors go into making a marriage. Good luck and enjoy the time you have together. :)