Thursday, June 11, 2015

Who is my God?

So, who is God? Is it the protector Vishnu or the preacher Messiah or the amorphous Allah???  Well, not a very interesting topic I know. There has been several discussions and debates on this over and over again. Being so opinionated myself I had to give in my opinion. 

Like many of you, I have wondered over the years as to what is God's role in my life. My religious and spiritual upbringing promised me that God will fulfil my wishes if I pray devoutly and make offerings ( not necessarily money).  So that's what I did, for years. I prayed, to succeed in an exam, not to miss the bus to school, to punish the mean teacher at school who spanked me, for the cute guy at school to give me a smile... Well, the list just goes on. Some of them worked and some didn't. For anyone wondering, the cute guy in school didn't even know of my existence, eerrrrr!!!!. But nothing shook my ardent religious believes.

When I moved to a hostel for my college, I had a lot of Christian friends who would hold their hands together and pray feverishly. They talked like they could hear Him and see Him and He would do whatever they righteously ask for. I was fascinated. This was a time when I pondered as to why Hinduism (as I knew) wasn't as forgiving as Christianity. There was only one Christian God and Christians didn't have to fear about Hanuman swami being mad at them because they didn't offer him a coconut, but only to the Ganpathy beside him. But as much as I didn't understand the logics of any religion well, I believed all God's are powerful and would help me. So during exams, I would also go the church near my hostel. Well, You never know where you get help from right? Thinking about it now, my attitude of that time reminds me of Salim Kumar's  dialogue from Superman movie, "Eni engaanum biriyani kodukkunnundenkilo"!Ahem Ahem! Now you should remember, for someone who doesn't even have study materials almost 3-4 days before the exam ( Yeah, girls go through those exam situations too), it really doesn't matter if the help comes from Meenakshi or Mother Mary or Messiah or Mecca. When I did pretty well in the exams considering the amount of effort put in, I marveled God even more, all of them. I am one of the very few who have chanted Hanuman Chalisa more than 100 times in a go, more than once. God would just do anything for me if I prayed, or so I believed.

I had several instances in life where things would seem to go extremely bad, but in the twist of events, end in my favor. At this point I was sure that God is doing this to me on purpose. Give me a tough time so that my victories will be sweeter. A lot of troubles didn't even bother me when I started believing it. But then came a time in life when I felt like God wasn't hearing me anymore, in spite of anything I did. I started to think that no matter what I pray, God will only give me what is thought to be best for me and not what I want. What is the point of praying then? So while I held on to my beliefs in God, I stopped praying, at least for getting something in return. Going to temples did not feel like a spiritual experience  anymore. But still at times when something went wrong, my immediate innate response would be to say "eeswara" (Oh God!) in my mind. 

So, is god Hindu or Christian or Muslim? May be Buddist?  What does God look like? Should I be scared if I do not pray everyday? The questions have lingered in my mind for too long and I have finally found the answers that make the most sense to me. 

God is our "belief". God is Ganapathy, Shiva, Devi, Parvathy, Krishna, Jesus, Mother Mary, Allah, Luck, Karma, Destiny, Fate, the family, the neighbor, the garbage man or whatever it is that one believes in. God is Hope. The hope that someone or something is there is keep us safe and secure all the time. God cannot cure our diseases, or wipe away our enemies or make our exams easier, but can fight all these battles with us without ever giving up on us. God is any of that, something or someone, living or imaginary that does not judge us when we make a mistake, that does not punish us for our secrets, that does not hate us for our misdeeds. That which stays perfect when we are imperfect. We need not look for God. We just live a life, try to do what we think is right, (of course killing someone isn't) and BELIEVE. Belief is God! Believing in ourselves and believing that everything will turn out fine. As for religion, it is man made. For all I know, I can make one tomorrow. Ok, Now I wonder what I will name it if I have a religion of my own. Although pretty narcissistic, may be I will tag it with my family name, "Mulangadism",  sounds fancier than Lalism at least. 

PS: This is what I believe now. God knows how my beliefs might change later! ;).


pravyn IAF said...

The same thing lingered in my mind since my childhood. I started hating gods from my teenage days coz my parents started pushing me more to become spiritual and due to the hell amount of time they spend in temples. In my view there exist no gods whether its Hindu dieties or Jesus or Allah. I think its a fear created by the ancestors to tame people to live in a society and to boost up peoples morale in adverse conditions

non compos mentis said...

There is a god Praveen. But is not a magician who can make our wishes come true. He is a companion.. a true, honest, non-judgmental