Then and now at 12.34 am on 3/27/2016

There was a time almost 10-12 years ago when I thought that I could never be more hurt than I was then. Every time something went wrong, I made sure I told myself that things will be better and my wishes will come true and when they didn't I told myself that God had better plans for me. That's what happened, God had better plans or so I thought. Life really took a turn for better. But I'm questioning everything these days. All I want is 5 minutes of peace now, just 5 minutes when I feel nothing. People say it's all within you, may be it is, but the truth is, I do not feel anything good within me at this moment. I'm hurt and everyone around me is hurt. There is a lot of competition. Everyone makes decisions for me except me and I feel like I have lost control. Between everyone who is trying to help me and hurt me, all I feel is meek and weak. What I want, I do not have and what I do not want, I do not know what it is. This vulnerability gives me a feeling of Dejavu, I have experienced this before and was hoping I would never feel it again, but life happens you know. May be its all for good right?May be some day everyone and I will be so proud and ecstatic about my happiness!!! Are these difficult times meant to make my biography more interesting? May be... Who will play me in the movie? Let me think.